Jeremy will never speak

{Best read while listening to "Jeremy"by Pearl Jam"}

He always had an agitated look on his face, as if breathing pained him. it did, for he was one of those kids with overactive salivary glands.. he always had drool foaming at the corners of his mouth, he'd have to suck them in before speaking, he was too old to drool on his teeshirt. no it was not a diagnosed case, he just happened to be overly enticed about life, alot of things he'd see or alot of feelings he would experience would make him drool. it was like seeing a delicious dish, or a wonderfully busted woman, inviting you to devour her. that was his reaction to almost the simplest of things, birds chirping, the warm rays of the sun falling onto his face, it did that to him.With that gift, Im sure he would be destined to have a magnificent life full of experiences. That was enough to make him special.Sadly enough all the boys in his class saw things differently.
why is this kid so intense?
one minute he is agitated,
one minute he is smiling. no in betweens,
dude what is wrong with him?
he must be a freak..
he scares me cause he is different,
i d better show him who is boss, so that he doesnt pull his freaks on me.
I'd better take the initiative and defend myself from this monstrous abomination.
and that is what everyone did to him..
even me...
What was worse is..we more often than not..enjoyed it.
We enjoyed seeing him agitated, we enjoyed seeing him in pain,
we even enjoyed it more when we knew it was the result of our actions.
That we had that power..
a power to harness something we fear , to control it and show it how discomforting its mere existence can cause us,
in these few moments we chuckle and laugh, out of relief..
relief that it can no longer harm us.
What we forgot was, that It is not an It..
its a human..It had a name...
Mickey was It's name.

Mickey had parents who loved him, who wanted him to be the best kid in the world, they treated him normal disregarding the fact that he was "sensitive", gave him the confidence to beleive nothing is beyond him, that he can do whatever he pleases, and be whoever he wants to be..It was always pretend.For in the playground, he was always abandoned if not bullied, always ridiculed if not neglected. the rare moments of peace, would be him chasing an ant like a dog chasing a car, chasing a breeze like it were his last ticket outta here..absorbing the sun like a sunflower ( gay i know) but you shoulda seen how much he worshipped the sun.

every day was a dissapointment to his dreams, to what his mother told him..and it would never stop.
Then came one day when we realized, the effect we had over Mickey..
we turned him into a Monster..He yelled,He screamed,He Wailed like a Banshee,
you could hear his chest vibrating mid-yell.
He punched the bully in the face,fought back,but felt no victory he felt anguish..
he dreaded that they turned him into one of them
that he now had to hurt things to feel better about himself.
He Gnashed his teeth Bit the Recess lady's Right breast while she hugged him..
His Jaw oh, so full of hate, and need in the same time
a hate of cruelty
a need for nurture
Silk from her shirt
blood from her bosom.
I will never forget that day.A few years later, a little girl in a younger class was found maimed in the bathroom, everyone suspected Mickey...
It was a sick janitor, who had a thing for girls in school uniform.

After Graduation, I heard that a shooting took place in school after I left,
Everyone suspected Mickey......
It was a kid that used to bully Mickey, his dad bought him a gun for his Birthday…
Mickey spent a good chunk of time on my mind, His image would blindside me on an idle Tuesday on my way back from work, I’d wonder what’s he up to now?
Does he have a Job?
How is he received there?
Does he have a Girlfriend? If he does, she must be special…
What’s her favorite thing about him?
Does he tell her how bad he was treated as a kid, to justify his shortcomings?
Or would he swallow it, and prove himself better than helpless?
Does he remember the day when he bit the recess lady?
Or does he act like it never happened?

whenever I listen to Jeremy, or hear about someone getting picked on, I remember…
And I Regret…
We all wanted to blame Mickey,
it made us comfortable, he was our scapegoat to the unusual, the uncanny,
the abnormal…
I ask myself if we loved him, rather than fear him, would he have turned out different?
Would he be that Silly Playboy in the convertible that goes to Purple every night?
Or would he be that whiz kid at Oxford, doing his PhD in bio-chemistry?
Would he be that gifted writer with a column in that best selling magazine?
Or would he be a hot shot lawyer, taking on the cases that freak the fuck outta the rest of his peers?
Only to spend his nights snorting cocaine, and sweet talking pretty women?
Well I decided to find out. I tracked him down ,
which took me quite a while for someone who you couldn’t call covering up his tracks.
If you know me well, I like to make everything look like a coincidence, so I accidentally “Bumped” into him on his way out from a bookstore.

“Mickey!”
“do I know you?” he still had the very retained posture, the very apologetic tone of voice, as if him not knowing on you is an unforgivable mistake
.“Mickey its me…Osiris Kane…”
“Oh…Hi……Kane, I remember you…of course, you’re the guy who did the plays..im surprised you remember me…”
“Mickey, who can forget?..tell me whats going on with you?”
“Nothing…nothing much really… I work now..here in the bookstore, I just finished my shift…can I buy you a cup of coffee? We can chitchat…”

I, of course accepted. He hasn’t changed at all, still very well mannered, still warmly smiling, he wears thick glasses now, probably from reading too much in dim light, a little chubbier than back in school, balding severly…but no comb-overs, wigs , transplants nothing. He graduated from high-school, studied literature at university, and now works at a bookstore.
He has a hobby of binding and restoring old books, and hopes that one day actually opens up a shop. The bookstore job doesn’t pay well, but his hobby is bringing in most of the income, he’s about to get married to a girl he is crazy about. He showed me a picture, she isn’t exactly hale berry, but he talks about her as if she were.
She obviously loves him, cause the pullover he was wearing was knitted by her, the pants her choice from a designer shop, even the glass frames were a gift from her on his birthday.
When I asked him if I am invited to the wedding, he responded aloofly saying..“Duh, but I don’t have enough money to invite you..”I was heartwarmed to realize he turned out okay, he didn’t kill anyone, wasn’t a freak..he was defiantly hoboish, a loner, in a world on his own. But a king of that world, in his own little empire.
I asked him how he felt about what happened to him in school, and the constant bullying he was subjected to, he hated it, beyond words can describe. He said he always wanted to plot his revenge, but he says he has learnt, that forgiveness is a lot more powerful and a lot more satisfying than chopping their digits off.And him plotting his vendetta only makes it mean that they did get to him. He wont give us that honor.I am too much of a coward to tell Mickey in the face that I am sorry, for whatever I might have done, I just told him to read my blog…
So Mickey, if you are reading this…..I am truly sorry..I envied you for how you don’t need anyone to live, how independent you were and how care free you lived.
I was merely completing the circle of life.., I was bullied, I bully you.. guess you are strong enough to break the circle, and let me tell you this; for that, you are truly a Hero, worthy of admiration and respect.
I am sure there are others too I have stepped on, sometimes I probably had nightmares about them coming back to do something nasty to me like I did to them. To all of you out there, I am sorry…As for the others, the ones that bullied me….You know who you are, Ill be the bigger person, I will learn from Mickey…
I Forgive You…